~ Geneen Roth
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tom
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
My Shyness was put to good use...
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom." -- Anais Nin --
On Sunday, July 19, 2009 a former high school classmate, Janet, posted something that hit a chord somewhere deep inside of me.
She said that in a week she and two of her best friends from high school were going to spend a few days together at Old Orchard Beach.
I commented stating that there was one regret I had about being so shy in school. I never had any close friends. What I did not say was that I was so ashamed of myself that I pushed away the friends I did have that were in school around the same time as me.
The classmates I was closest to all through my school life were the ones I went to grammar school with at Farm Hill. They included my best friend Wendy from the neighborhood, friends from the 4-H group her mom had for us, and others that were in my grade at school.
Wendy was on year behind me. They all knew me best and witnessed me starting to come out of my shell in the fourth grade.
Mrs. Dimmock made me a priority in that she tried to help me feel more comfortable at school. I continued peeking out from my shell in the 5th and 6th grades but I became a bit more timid again with that teacher, Mr. Austin, my first male teacher. Mr. Austin used the ruler(s) on the knuckles for anyone caught talking during class. One ruler for the girls, two for the boys. Needless to say I never received that punishment.
When we graduated from Farm Hill, the next step was Junior High school and that step was a giant one backwards for me in regard to coming out of my shell.
High school was a mixed bag for me. I was so shy and fearful. I rarely spoke unless I absolutely had to and in the tenth grade I was blackmailed into speaking out loud.
Tenth grade English at Woodrow Wilson in 1966 was about speaking - making speeches and I absolutely refused to get up in front of the class I did turn in the homework for the preparation for the speeches.
Eventually the blackmail deal came along. If I did not get up and speak in front of the class I would be held back a grade. That scared me.
I was scared of my parents' reaction. I did not want to be in my friend Wendy's class because then she would know what a wuss I was in school. But mostly I did not want to leave the class I was in. There were great kids in my class. I was not good friends with any of them, but for the most part they treated me with respect.
This speaking exercise was not to be done by myself. It was part of a scene from MacBeth - the one with the witches. I don't recall the preparation or any rehearsal. And I do not remember who the other two girls were in the scene. What I do know is that I sucked it up and spoke my line "Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and caldron bubble."
It felt good letting it out, but there was no follow up, no encouragement. At least not that I remember. But I did it.
When it came to attending sporting events like the football or basketball games I was right there in the cheering section in the bleachers following the cheerleaders chants. I would yell loudly when a touchdown was about to happen or a good rebound was made.
I felt anonymous cheering with the crowd and at the same time I felt as one with them.
Neither of these experiences led me to speaking up in school. But even though I did not realize it at the time they did give me a bit more confidence in myself and with my classmates.
The next evening, Monday July 20th Janet emailed me.
"As I read your post after mine something inside me said - "Why didn't I reach out to you??"
We had a lot of classes together and the one thing that I did take from your shyness was to never put my students on the spot and to always make them try to be comfortable. If I call on someone and they choose not to answer I do not pressure them - and I try my hardest to make the situation comfortable for everyone."
I replied to her.
"Thanks...I appreciate that my shyness helped you treat your students in a gentler way...
A therapist I had for many years suggested that I write a book about my life and I think I may have just started in the right direction with that post...Facebook and you allowed me to let out some thoughts that have been trapped within me for years."
And my therapist is not the only person who has encouraged me to write...my favorite actress is Joanna Gleason (if you do not know who she is by name, you have probably seen her anyway)...about eight years ago I wrote her some fan mail letters and I actually received a response where she encourage me to write...
I believe the time to start is now.
Again, thank you,
Kathy
On Sunday, July 19, 2009 a former high school classmate, Janet, posted something that hit a chord somewhere deep inside of me.
She said that in a week she and two of her best friends from high school were going to spend a few days together at Old Orchard Beach.
I commented stating that there was one regret I had about being so shy in school. I never had any close friends. What I did not say was that I was so ashamed of myself that I pushed away the friends I did have that were in school around the same time as me.
The classmates I was closest to all through my school life were the ones I went to grammar school with at Farm Hill. They included my best friend Wendy from the neighborhood, friends from the 4-H group her mom had for us, and others that were in my grade at school.
Wendy was on year behind me. They all knew me best and witnessed me starting to come out of my shell in the fourth grade.
Mrs. Dimmock made me a priority in that she tried to help me feel more comfortable at school. I continued peeking out from my shell in the 5th and 6th grades but I became a bit more timid again with that teacher, Mr. Austin, my first male teacher. Mr. Austin used the ruler(s) on the knuckles for anyone caught talking during class. One ruler for the girls, two for the boys. Needless to say I never received that punishment.
When we graduated from Farm Hill, the next step was Junior High school and that step was a giant one backwards for me in regard to coming out of my shell.
High school was a mixed bag for me. I was so shy and fearful. I rarely spoke unless I absolutely had to and in the tenth grade I was blackmailed into speaking out loud.
Tenth grade English at Woodrow Wilson in 1966 was about speaking - making speeches and I absolutely refused to get up in front of the class I did turn in the homework for the preparation for the speeches.
Eventually the blackmail deal came along. If I did not get up and speak in front of the class I would be held back a grade. That scared me.
I was scared of my parents' reaction. I did not want to be in my friend Wendy's class because then she would know what a wuss I was in school. But mostly I did not want to leave the class I was in. There were great kids in my class. I was not good friends with any of them, but for the most part they treated me with respect.
This speaking exercise was not to be done by myself. It was part of a scene from MacBeth - the one with the witches. I don't recall the preparation or any rehearsal. And I do not remember who the other two girls were in the scene. What I do know is that I sucked it up and spoke my line "Double, double toil and trouble. Fire burn and caldron bubble."
It felt good letting it out, but there was no follow up, no encouragement. At least not that I remember. But I did it.
When it came to attending sporting events like the football or basketball games I was right there in the cheering section in the bleachers following the cheerleaders chants. I would yell loudly when a touchdown was about to happen or a good rebound was made.
I felt anonymous cheering with the crowd and at the same time I felt as one with them.
Neither of these experiences led me to speaking up in school. But even though I did not realize it at the time they did give me a bit more confidence in myself and with my classmates.
The next evening, Monday July 20th Janet emailed me.
"As I read your post after mine something inside me said - "Why didn't I reach out to you??"
We had a lot of classes together and the one thing that I did take from your shyness was to never put my students on the spot and to always make them try to be comfortable. If I call on someone and they choose not to answer I do not pressure them - and I try my hardest to make the situation comfortable for everyone."
I replied to her.
"Thanks...I appreciate that my shyness helped you treat your students in a gentler way...
A therapist I had for many years suggested that I write a book about my life and I think I may have just started in the right direction with that post...Facebook and you allowed me to let out some thoughts that have been trapped within me for years."
And my therapist is not the only person who has encouraged me to write...my favorite actress is Joanna Gleason (if you do not know who she is by name, you have probably seen her anyway)...about eight years ago I wrote her some fan mail letters and I actually received a response where she encourage me to write...
I believe the time to start is now.
Again, thank you,
Kathy
Monday, July 20, 2009
At last, a beginning....
A post by a former classmate on facebook today inspired me to finally share this with my friends...
I know that all my experiences in life lead me to who I am today, but I do regret that through my extreme shyness, I did not develop any close friends in school... If anyone out there reading this feels too shy, too scared to get out into the world...please try to find help...someone to speak to, a therapist, counselor, a pastor, priest...someone who can help you to slip out of your shell...
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.-- Anais Nin
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